5000 National Guard troops have been deployed by Barack Obama to Baltimore to curb race riots – for the first time in this American city since assassination of the Reverend Martin Luther King Jr. in 1968. This time riots were sparked by the death of 25-year-old black man Freddie Gray in in police custody.
5000 troops have been deployed to the American city of Baltimore to curb race riots. Photo: Reuters
Freddie Gray, 25, who died a week ago after his neck was broken while in Baltimore police custody, had been in an out of prison since 2008. He was arrested previously at least 18 times for selling heroin and marijuana in the streets. However, his latest arrest for possession of the switch-blade knife resulted in his broken neck while in police custody. This caused the same effect as assassination of the Reverend Martin Luther King Jr. in 1968.
Gray’s funeral sparked protest against police brutality that later grew into full-scale riots. The result of Baltimore riots – cars and houses burnt, shops looted and white people robbed and beaten in the streets sporadically by gangs of black youth. Baltimore police was unable to cope with situation, so Barack Obama had to deploy 5000 troops to restore order in this American city. He also came up with a statement condemning violent behavior, stating the inciters of riot should be treated like criminals. A the same time American president described the issues of overusing force by police against African Americans as a slow rolling crisis. However, besides police brutality towards black men, experts consider unemployment, poverty, and extensive drug use among black youth one of the main triggers that thrown out the violence in the streets of Baltimore so suddenly. One of the people who suddenly got famous overnight is Toya Graham, who recognised her son in one of the protesters and smacked him in front of numerous cameras. Riot in Baltimore is the wost case of social unrest since the riots triggered by the death of Michael Brown in Ferguson, Missouri, who was shot dead by a policeman a year ago. Many similar incidents questioning the use of force by police have emerged in cities and towns across the US recently.
5000 National Guard troops have been deployed by Barack Obama to Baltimore to curb race riots – for the first time in this American city since assassination of the Reverend Martin Luther King Jr. in 1968. This time riots were sparked by the death of 25-year-old black man Freddie Gray in in police custody.
5000 troops have been deployed to the American city of Baltimore to curb race riots. Photo: Reuters
Freddie Gray, 25, who died a week ago after his neck was broken while in Baltimore police custody, had been in an out of prison since 2008. He was arrested previously at least 18 times for selling heroin and marijuana in the streets. However, his latest arrest for possession of the switch-blade knife resulted in his broken neck while in police custody. This caused the same effect as assassination of the Reverend Martin Luther King Jr. in 1968.
Gray’s funeral sparked protest against police brutality that later grew into full-scale riots. The result of Baltimore riots – cars and houses burnt, shops looted and white people robbed and beaten in the streets sporadically by gangs of black youth. Baltimore police was unable to cope with situation, so Barack Obama had to deploy 5000 troops to restore order in this American city. He also came up with a statement condemning violent behavior, stating the inciters of riot should be treated like criminals. A the same time American president described the issues of overusing force by police against African Americans as a slow rolling crisis. However, besides police brutality towards black men, experts consider unemployment, poverty, and extensive drug use among black youth one of the main triggers that thrown out the violence in the streets of Baltimore so suddenly. One of the people who suddenly got famous overnight is Toya Graham, who recognised her son in one of the protesters and smacked him in front of numerous cameras. Riot in Baltimore is the wost case of social unrest since the riots triggered by the death of Michael Brown in Ferguson, Missouri, who was shot dead by a policeman a year ago. Many similar incidents questioning the use of force by police have emerged in cities and towns across the US recently.
The All Progressives Congress (APC) has alleged moves by Rivers State Governor-elect, Chief Ezebunwo Nyesom Wike, to dump the Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) and join its fold, warning the governor-elect to remain in his political party.
Chief Ezebunwo Nyesom Wike
The APC, in a statement issued in Port Harcourt on Thursday, and signed by its State Publicity Secretary, Chris Finebone, condemned the planned move, saying Wike’s aim is to obtain the cover of it and avoid dethronement by the nation’s judiciary. Finebone said, “Wike’s latest move comes as no surprise to those who know his antecedents. Having back stabbed his mentors like former Senator John Mbata in the past and more recently Governor Rotimi Amaechi, he would only be living true to the unreliable ally that he has grown to be. “Wike’s history is replete with sabotage and dual personality often unstable among peers. So, we are not surprised at his latest moves to dump PDP to join APC. Such a move portrays him as unstable in relationship having at several instances, bitten the finger that fed him. “He thinks that by hiding under the canopy of APC membership, elders of the APC will prevail on Dr. Dakuku Adol Peterside, the governorship candidate of the party at the April 11 election, to abandon his quest for justice.” Giving insight into the plan, the APC Scribe explained that Wike, as soon as he is received into the APC fold, will woo APC elders and leaders to prevail on Peterside to drop his quest for justice before the Election Petition Tribunal. He said, “Through this, Wike would have hoodwinked APC elders and leaders into prevailing on Dr. Peterside to withdraw his petition from the Tribunal. In short, Wike seeks to hide under the cloak of party man to dodge standing before justice to explain how he garnered the fictitious figures he claimed to have secured at the April governorship poll. “Aware that Peterside is a true and loyal party man, unlike what he is; Wike will propound the hypothesis of “this-is-a-party matter” to cajole both Peterside and the leadership. Unfortunately, Wike has already shot himself in the foot with the barbaric manner in which he obtained the fraudulent victory he is currently parading. “In any case, the APC has placed restrictions on fleeing PDP members whose only reason for jumping ship is because the PDP has lost the elections. Mr. Nyesom Wike is a liability rather than asset. It would be best he remains in the PDP, stand before Justice at the Tribunal and explain his role in the rape on democracy in Rivers State last April 11. His late night moves to join APC is only a ploy to protect the stolen mandate in his pockets.” However, when contacted, the chairman, media and publicity committee of the PDP campaign organisation, Barrister Emma Okah, sait it was untrue that Wike is planning to dump the party for the APC. Okah said, “I cannot glorify APC with a response on a thing like that. It is absolutely untrue, totally childish and a deceased imagination.” Meanwhile, Barrister Nyesom Wike, has assured international investors of an investment friendly environment beginning May 29.
The All Progressives Congress (APC) has alleged moves by Rivers State Governor-elect, Chief Ezebunwo Nyesom Wike, to dump the Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) and join its fold, warning the governor-elect to remain in his political party.
Chief Ezebunwo Nyesom Wike
The APC, in a statement issued in Port Harcourt on Thursday, and signed by its State Publicity Secretary, Chris Finebone, condemned the planned move, saying Wike’s aim is to obtain the cover of it and avoid dethronement by the nation’s judiciary.
Finebone said, “Wike’s latest move comes as no surprise to those who know his antecedents. Having back stabbed his mentors like former Senator John Mbata in the past and more recently Governor Rotimi Amaechi, he would only be living true to the unreliable ally that he has grown to be. “Wike’s history is replete with sabotage and dual personality often unstable among peers. So, we are not surprised at his latest moves to dump PDP to join APC. Such a move portrays him as unstable in relationship having at several instances, bitten the finger that fed him. “He thinks that by hiding under the canopy of APC membership, elders of the APC will prevail on Dr. Dakuku Adol Peterside, the governorship candidate of the party at the April 11 election, to abandon his quest for justice.” Giving insight into the plan, the APC Scribe explained that Wike, as soon as he is received into the APC fold, will woo APC elders and leaders to prevail on Peterside to drop his quest for justice before the Election Petition Tribunal. He said, “Through this, Wike would have hoodwinked APC elders and leaders into prevailing on Dr. Peterside to withdraw his petition from the Tribunal. In short, Wike seeks to hide under the cloak of party man to dodge standing before justice to explain how he garnered the fictitious figures he claimed to have secured at the April governorship poll. “Aware that Peterside is a true and loyal party man, unlike what he is; Wike will propound the hypothesis of “this-is-a-party matter” to cajole both Peterside and the leadership. Unfortunately, Wike has already shot himself in the foot with the barbaric manner in which he obtained the fraudulent victory he is currently parading. “In any case, the APC has placed restrictions on fleeing PDP members whose only reason for jumping ship is because the PDP has lost the elections. Mr. Nyesom Wike is a liability rather than asset. It would be best he remains in the PDP, stand before Justice at the Tribunal and explain his role in the rape on democracy in Rivers State last April 11. His late night moves to join APC is only a ploy to protect the stolen mandate in his pockets.” However, when contacted, the chairman, media and publicity committee of the PDP campaign organisation, Barrister Emma Okah, sait it was untrue that Wike is planning to dump the party for the APC.
Okah said, “I cannot glorify APC with a response on a thing like that. It is absolutely untrue, totally childish and a deceased imagination.” Meanwhile, Barrister Nyesom Wike, has assured international investors of an investment friendly environment beginning May 29.
A 31-year-old man, Samson Ndubuisi, has been accused of raping an 11-year-old boy in Lagos. He was arraigned before an Apapa Magistrates’ Court, in Lagos on April 29, Wednesday.
According to the prosecutor, ASP Soji Ojaokomo, the accused committed the offences on April 12 at his apartment, No. 3/4, Umuaka Close, Ilufe Junction, Alaba Market, Vanguard reports. On that day the boy was fetching water at one Doris Ezenwa’s company when the accused called to him. He was said to have taken the boy to a room where he forcefully had intercourse with him through the anus. The prosecutor told the court: “The boy said that each time he went to fetch water Ndubuisi would take him to the usual spot and have sex with him. “The complainant also said that the accused also bribed him with N100 each time he slept with him. “The 11-year-old boy said they were caught by two men, who were Ndubuisi’s colleagues at the water company. “The boy said the accused threatened to kill him if he dare tell his parents about it.” Ndubuisi is facing a two-count charge of conspiracy and sexual assault by penetration. The accused, however, pleaded not guilty to the charges against him. He was granted bail in the sum of N50,000 with one surety in like sum by the magistrate, Patrick Adekomaiya. The case was adjourned till May 28 for trial. Child molestation is becoming a rampant occurrence in Nigeria. Often the children are molested by people very close to their families or those who live in their neighbourhood. In March, the Abia state police command arrested a 75- year-old herbalist, Odinkemere Ogbuehi, for allegedly sexually assaulting a 12-year-old boy. Lagos state police command arrested an Islamic cleric, Abdullahi Omobolaji, aka Alfa, recently for allegedly having carnal knowledge of a teenager.
A 31-year-old man, Samson Ndubuisi, has been accused of raping an 11-year-old boy in Lagos. He was arraigned before an Apapa Magistrates’ Court, in Lagos on April 29, Wednesday.
According to the prosecutor, ASP Soji Ojaokomo, the accused committed the offences on April 12 at his apartment, No. 3/4, Umuaka Close, Ilufe Junction, Alaba Market, Vanguard reports. On that day the boy was fetching water at one Doris Ezenwa’s company when the accused called to him. He was said to have taken the boy to a room where he forcefully had intercourse with him through the anus. The prosecutor told the court: “The boy said that each time he went to fetch water Ndubuisi would take him to the usual spot and have sex with him.
“The complainant also said that the accused also bribed him with N100 each time he slept with him. “The 11-year-old boy said they were caught by two men, who were Ndubuisi’s colleagues at the water company. “The boy said the accused threatened to kill him if he dare tell his parents about it.” Ndubuisi is facing a two-count charge of conspiracy and sexual assault by penetration. The accused, however, pleaded not guilty to the charges against him. He was granted bail in the sum of N50,000 with one surety in like sum by the magistrate, Patrick Adekomaiya. The case was adjourned till May 28 for trial. Child molestation is becoming a rampant occurrence in Nigeria. Often the children are molested by people very close to their families or those who live in their neighbourhood. In March, the Abia state police command arrested a 75- year-old herbalist, Odinkemere Ogbuehi, for allegedly sexually assaulting a 12-year-old boy. Lagos state police command arrested an Islamic cleric, Abdullahi Omobolaji, aka Alfa, recently for allegedly having carnal knowledge of a teenager.
According to Newyorktimes news, a man was injured badly by his wife, who has been charged with Domestic abuse by the New York police department. The incident occured in April 16 and had stunned the NYPD command due to the fierce nature of the lady.
Martin and Shawna Taylor
The woman, Shawna Taylor was apprehended by the police after allegedly beating up her husband for following 150 different sultry women. Shawna told the police, that she had warned him not to add women who look like Amber Rose on his social media page but he thought she was joking. Turner was charged with Domestic abuse and breaking & entering for going through her husband’s locked cellphone. In New York, its a crime to go through someone’s phone without their permission. The hubby Terry was taken to the hospital and said that he was scared for his life. He said he needed to get away so he could accept more Instagram request from women that look like Blac Chyna. In the USA, in 48 hours, at least six women in the US and hundreds if not thousands around the world are killed by violent spouses.
According to Newyorktimes news, a man was injured badly by his wife, who has been charged with Domestic abuse by the New York police department. The incident occured in April 16 and had stunned the NYPD command due to the fierce nature of the lady.
Martin and Shawna Taylor
The woman, Shawna Taylor was apprehended by the police after allegedly beating up her husband for following 150 different sultry women.
Shawna told the police, that she had warned him not to add women who look like Amber Rose on his social media page but he thought she was joking. Turner was charged with Domestic abuse and breaking & entering for going through her husband’s locked cellphone. In New York, its a crime to go through someone’s phone without their permission. The hubby Terry was taken to the hospital and said that he was scared for his life. He said he needed to get away so he could accept more Instagram request from women that look like Blac Chyna. In the USA, in 48 hours, at least six women in the US and hundreds if not thousands around the world are killed by violent spouses.
Arsenal have reportedly banned the mother of young player Ainsley Maitland-Niles after she allegedly assaulted the club negotiator at an Under-21s game. Police were called to the Gunners' London Colney training ground last month, and arrested the woman on suspicion of assaulting two people. No further action was taken. Arsene Wenger's negotiator, Dick Law, was reportedly struck after having a meeting about the player. Maitland-Niles has represented the first-team this season, becoming the youngest Arsenal player to appear in a Champions League game in December against Galatasaray, aged just 17 years and 102 days. He made his Premier League debut against Newcastle four days later. In pictures: Arsenal 0-0 Chelsea His mother, Jule, has been informed she can no longer attend the training ground, despite being released without charge by the police, reports the Daily Telegraph. Despite the ban, Niles apparently turned up to an U21s game on Friday, and threatened to drag her son off the pitch. Police were once again called, and she received a warning. A spokesperson for Hertfordshire police said: “Police were called at 4.11pm on March 20 to the location to reports two people had allegedly been assaulted by a woman. "They suffered superficial injuries. Officers attended and a 36-year-old woman from Watford was arrested on suspicion of assault. “She has since been released with no further action to be taken against her. Police were called to the location on Friday, April 24 at 2.40pm to reports a woman was refusing to leave the premises. Officers attended and the woman was issued with a warning.” In spite of the incidents, the Gunners still have a positive attitude towards Maitland-Niles, who is seen as one of their most prized young assets.
Arsenal have reportedly banned the mother of young player Ainsley Maitland-Niles after she allegedly assaulted the club negotiator at an Under-21s game. Police were called to the Gunners' London Colney training ground last month, and arrested the woman on suspicion of assaulting two people. No further action was taken. Arsene Wenger's negotiator, Dick Law, was reportedly struck after having a meeting about the player. Maitland-Niles has represented the first-team this season, becoming the youngest Arsenal player to appear in a Champions League game in December against Galatasaray, aged just 17 years and 102 days. He made his Premier League debut against Newcastle four days later. In pictures: Arsenal 0-0 Chelsea His mother, Jule, has been informed she can no longer attend the training ground, despite being released without charge by the police, reports the Daily Telegraph. Despite the ban, Niles apparently turned up to an U21s game on Friday, and threatened to drag her son off the pitch. Police were once again called, and she received a warning. A spokesperson for Hertfordshire police said: “Police were called at 4.11pm on March 20 to the location to reports two people had allegedly been assaulted by a woman. "They suffered superficial injuries. Officers attended and a 36-year-old woman from Watford was arrested on suspicion of assault. “She has since been released with no further action to be taken against her. Police were called to the location on Friday, April 24 at 2.40pm to reports a woman was refusing to leave the premises. Officers attended and the woman was issued with a warning.” In spite of the incidents, the Gunners still have a positive attitude towards Maitland-Niles, who is seen as one of their most prized young assets. Telegraph Copy and WIN : http://ow.ly/KNICZ
Arsenal have reportedly banned the mother of young player Ainsley Maitland-Niles after she allegedly assaulted the club negotiator at an Under-21s game. Police were called to the Gunners' London Colney training ground last month, and arrested the woman on suspicion of assaulting two people. No further action was taken. Arsene Wenger's negotiator, Dick Law, was reportedly struck after having a meeting about the player. Maitland-Niles has represented the first-team this season, becoming the youngest Arsenal player to appear in a Champions League game in December against Galatasaray, aged just 17 years and 102 days. He made his Premier League debut against Newcastle four days later. In pictures: Arsenal 0-0 Chelsea His mother, Jule, has been informed she can no longer attend the training ground, despite being released without charge by the police, reports the Daily Telegraph. Despite the ban, Niles apparently turned up to an U21s game on Friday, and threatened to drag her son off the pitch. Police were once again called, and she received a warning. A spokesperson for Hertfordshire police said: “Police were called at 4.11pm on March 20 to the location to reports two people had allegedly been assaulted by a woman. "They suffered superficial injuries. Officers attended and a 36-year-old woman from Watford was arrested on suspicion of assault. “She has since been released with no further action to be taken against her. Police were called to the location on Friday, April 24 at 2.40pm to reports a woman was refusing to leave the premises. Officers attended and the woman was issued with a warning.” In spite of the incidents, the Gunners still have a positive attitude towards Maitland-Niles, who is seen as one of their most prized young assets. Copy and WIN : http://ow.ly/KNICZ
Arsenal have reportedly banned the mother of young player Ainsley Maitland-Niles after she allegedly assaulted the club negotiator at an Under-21s game. Police were called to the Gunners' London Colney training ground last month, and arrested the woman on suspicion of assaulting two people. No further action was taken. Arsene Wenger's negotiator, Dick Law, was reportedly struck after having a meeting about the player. Maitland-Niles has represented the first-team this season, becoming the youngest Arsenal player to appear in a Champions League game in December against Galatasaray, aged just 17 years and 102 days. He made his Premier League debut against Newcastle four days later. In pictures: Arsenal 0-0 Chelsea His mother, Jule, has been informed she can no longer attend the training ground, despite being released without charge by the police, reports the Daily Telegraph. Despite the ban, Niles apparently turned up to an U21s game on Friday, and threatened to drag her son off the pitch. Police were once again called, and she received a warning. A spokesperson for Hertfordshire police said: “Police were called at 4.11pm on March 20 to the location to reports two people had allegedly been assaulted by a woman. "They suffered superficial injuries. Officers attended and a 36-year-old woman from Watford was arrested on suspicion of assault. “She has since been released with no further action to be taken against her. Police were called to the location on Friday, April 24 at 2.40pm to reports a woman was refusing to leave the premises. Officers attended and the woman was issued with a warning.” In spite of the incidents, the Gunners still have a positive attitude towards Maitland-Niles, who is seen as one of their most prized young assets.
Arsenal have reportedly banned the mother of young player Ainsley Maitland-Niles after she allegedly assaulted the club negotiator at an Under-21s game. Police were called to the Gunners' London Colney training ground last month, and arrested the woman on suspicion of assaulting two people. No further action was taken. Arsene Wenger's negotiator, Dick Law, was reportedly struck after having a meeting about the player. Maitland-Niles has represented the first-team this season, becoming the youngest Arsenal player to appear in a Champions League game in December against Galatasaray, aged just 17 years and 102 days. He made his Premier League debut against Newcastle four days later. In pictures: Arsenal 0-0 Chelsea His mother, Jule, has been informed she can no longer attend the training ground, despite being released without charge by the police, reports the Daily Telegraph. Despite the ban, Niles apparently turned up to an U21s game on Friday, and threatened to drag her son off the pitch. Police were once again called, and she received a warning. A spokesperson for Hertfordshire police said: “Police were called at 4.11pm on March 20 to the location to reports two people had allegedly been assaulted by a woman. "They suffered superficial injuries. Officers attended and a 36-year-old woman from Watford was arrested on suspicion of assault. “She has since been released with no further action to be taken against her. Police were called to the location on Friday, April 24 at 2.40pm to reports a woman was refusing to leave the premises. Officers attended and the woman was issued with a warning.” In spite of the incidents, the Gunners still have a positive attitude towards Maitland-Niles, who is seen as one of their most prized young assets. Telegraph
Arsenal have reportedly banned the mother of young player Ainsley Maitland-Niles after she allegedly assaulted the club negotiator at an Under-21s game. Police were called to the Gunners' London Colney training ground last month, and arrested the woman on suspicion of assaulting two people. No further action was taken. Arsene Wenger's negotiator, Dick Law, was reportedly struck after having a meeting about the player. Maitland-Niles has represented the first-team this season, becoming the youngest Arsenal player to appear in a Champions League game in December against Galatasaray, aged just 17 years and 102 days. He made his Premier League debut against Newcastle four days later. In pictures: Arsenal 0-0 Chelsea His mother, Jule, has been informed she can no longer attend the training ground, despite being released without charge by the police, reports the Daily Telegraph. Despite the ban, Niles apparently turned up to an U21s game on Friday, and threatened to drag her son off the pitch. Police were once again called, and she received a warning. A spokesperson for Hertfordshire police said: “Police were called at 4.11pm on March 20 to the location to reports two people had allegedly been assaulted by a woman. "They suffered superficial injuries. Officers attended and a 36-year-old woman from Watford was arrested on suspicion of assault. “She has since been released with no further action to be taken against her. Police were called to the location on Friday, April 24 at 2.40pm to reports a woman was refusing to leave the premises. Officers attended and the woman was issued with a warning.” In spite of the incidents, the Gunners still have a positive attitude towards Maitland-Niles, who is seen as one of their most prized young assets.
It is no doubt that Nigerian men make wonderful lovers; they are sweet, kind, thoughtful, maybe not very romantic but romantic still and good in bed too. It is also no doubt that these men are very rare to come by in Nigeria. Maybe by default or societal conditioning, most Nigerian men are so not it; they are egoistic, chauvinistic and make terrible husband materials. You wonder why I think Nigerian men; at least most of them, won’t make good husbands, read the reasons listed below:
-They Are Chauvinists: pardon the strong word “chauvinists” but Nigerian men prefer to stick to their bias opinion about women and their responsibilities in the home. They take the “head” duty way too serious and often push the women aside expecting them to follow their will and do as they say. If you marry a Nigerian man, you will probably end up as the less important voice in the home rather than as the partner you are to him.
– They Are Polygamous In Nature: In Nigeria, some men believe men are entitled to as many women as they can handle and so, they are free to marry more than one wife or have affairs with other women. With a Nigerian man, it is never certain that you will be the only woman in his life. To save yourself the heartbreak of discovering condoms and hotel receipts in his pocket or worse, finding out he has secret children, please do not marry a Nigerian man.
– They Are Not Romantic: you want flowers, a guy to follow you to the salon, exotic lunches, dinners, vacations, chocolates and breakfast in bed? Then, a Nigerian man is not the man you should marry. They often consider these things as cheesy and unnecessary. Maybe they will try on your birthday and Valentine’s Day (that’s if they don’t come up with excuses to forget). The most romantic thing some Nigerian men will ever get for you is packs of food from an eatery or drinks and few back/foot rubs just right before sex.
– You Will Be A Nanny To A Grown Man: if God blesses you with a Nigerian man and a somehow scattered one, you are in soup. You’ve just graduated to being a nanny to a full grown man. You will pick his socks, shirts and what not after him when he gets back from work, even flush the toilet when he’s done. Be ready to face a sulking man if the food is not ready on time or you try to get him to do something for you when his favourite game or TV show is on. You will have to pet and stroke his ego almost all the time to make him happy.
– They Have The Wife Beating Syndrome: either by societal conditioning or home training, some Nigerian men believe it is very normal to hit a woman; that is the only way to put them back on track when they are wrong. It is no secret that some Nigerian men will beat their wives and feel no regret about it; it is somehow the woman’s fault the man is so angry to the extent he has to hit her. If you’re not ready to lose your fine skin to the itchy palms of a man, please steer clear of Nigerian men.
They are also good liars. They smoke and drink heavily and blame it on the society’s deteriorating condition; they have to “keep body and soul together”. Many Nigerian men have money problem; it is either they are misers or heavy spenders. Some prefer to show off the wealth they do not possess by living way beyond their standards. And the most annoying part is that many Nigerian men are Mr nice guy in public and Mr stingy in their homes which you will agree is not a very attractive trait especially in someone you want to spend the rest of your life with.
I know by now, some guys are already hissing and cursing me probably but it is undeniable that many Nigerian guys have terrible attitudes that make them really undesirable husband materials. I mean, it is tough enough we have to cope with the many issues in the country, men problems should not be added to our weighty wahala. We deserve men who understand us (at least to a reasonable extent), shower us with the affection we need, pamper us and make us feel very special and loved but how many Nigerian men can beat their chests that they can be the man of our dreams or at least, part of the dreams?!!
It is no doubt that Nigerian men make wonderful lovers; they are sweet, kind, thoughtful, maybe not very romantic but romantic still and good in bed too. It is also no doubt that these men are very rare to come by in Nigeria. Maybe by default or societal conditioning, most Nigerian men are so not it; they are egoistic, chauvinistic and make terrible husband materials. You wonder why I think Nigerian men; at least most of them, won’t make good husbands, read the reasons listed below:
-They Are Chauvinists: pardon the strong word “chauvinists” but Nigerian men prefer to stick to their bias opinion about women and their responsibilities in the home. They take the “head” duty way too serious and often push the women aside expecting them to follow their will and do as they say. If you marry a Nigerian man, you will probably end up as the less important voice in the home rather than as the partner you are to him.
– They Are Polygamous In Nature: In Nigeria, some men believe men are entitled to as many women as they can handle and so, they are free to marry more than one wife or have affairs with other women. With a Nigerian man, it is never certain that you will be the only woman in his life. To save yourself the heartbreak of discovering condoms and hotel receipts in his pocket or worse, finding out he has secret children, please do not marry a Nigerian man.
– They Are Not Romantic: you want flowers, a guy to follow you to the salon, exotic lunches, dinners, vacations, chocolates and breakfast in bed? Then, a Nigerian man is not the man you should marry. They often consider these things as cheesy and unnecessary. Maybe they will try on your birthday and Valentine’s Day (that’s if they don’t come up with excuses to forget). The most romantic thing some Nigerian men will ever get for you is packs of food from an eatery or drinks and few back/foot rubs just right before sex.
– You Will Be A Nanny To A Grown Man: if God blesses you with a Nigerian man and a somehow scattered one, you are in soup. You’ve just graduated to being a nanny to a full grown man. You will pick his socks, shirts and what not after him when he gets back from work, even flush the toilet when he’s done. Be ready to face a sulking man if the food is not ready on time or you try to get him to do something for you when his favourite game or TV show is on. You will have to pet and stroke his ego almost all the time to make him happy.
– They Have The Wife Beating Syndrome: either by societal conditioning or home training, some Nigerian men believe it is very normal to hit a woman; that is the only way to put them back on track when they are wrong. It is no secret that some Nigerian men will beat their wives and feel no regret about it; it is somehow the woman’s fault the man is so angry to the extent he has to hit her. If you’re not ready to lose your fine skin to the itchy palms of a man, please steer clear of Nigerian men.
They are also good liars. They smoke and drink heavily and blame it on the society’s deteriorating condition; they have to “keep body and soul together”. Many Nigerian men have money problem; it is either they are misers or heavy spenders. Some prefer to show off the wealth they do not possess by living way beyond their standards. And the most annoying part is that many Nigerian men are Mr nice guy in public and Mr stingy in their homes which you will agree is not a very attractive trait especially in someone you want to spend the rest of your life with.
I know by now, some guys are already hissing and cursing me probably but it is undeniable that many Nigerian guys have terrible attitudes that make them really undesirable husband materials. I mean, it is tough enough we have to cope with the many issues in the country, men problems should not be added to our weighty wahala. We deserve men who understand us (at least to a reasonable extent), shower us with the affection we need, pamper us and make us feel very special and loved but how many Nigerian men can beat their chests that they can be the man of our dreams or at least, part of the dreams?!!
A mentally ill mother, Deasia Watkins, has been arrested after she allegedly beheaded her 3-month-old daughter in Ohio. The 20-year-old woman was however found incompetent to stand trial and was transferred to a treatment facility.
She was ordered to be evaluated and treated in a behavioral facility. Watkins will be brought back to court in 6 months to reevaluate the decision. According to officers who arrived at the home of Watkins’ aunt, the girl was found headless on the kitchen counter. The aunt was taking care of the child. Police found Watkins in bed and she was covered in blood.
Kate, already mom to one daughter, terminated her second pregnancy at 36 weeks. She named the daughter she lost Rose.
When Kate, a 29-year-old mom outside Boston, found out she was pregnant with a second daughter, she was elated. Then, at 36 weeks along, she got the news that is every expecting parent’s worst nightmare: Her baby, who she would later name Rose, had two brain malformations. Kate decided to have abortion, and eventually found solace in a support group on the website Ending a Wanted Pregnancy. The online community is for parents who terminate pregnancies for medical reasons (pregnancies they wanted, but chose to end after a severe prenatal diagnosis or maternal health issue) and who often feel alone or ashamed, and suffer in silence. Kate, one of the site’s administrators, shared her story with Yahoo Parenting’s Rachel Bertsche.
My husband and I always wanted a big family. We wanted to have a lot of kids and to start young and have them close together. In 2010, we had our first. A healthy baby girl. But when we were ready for number two, getting pregnant — or, rather, staying pregnant — was harder. I had three miscarriages before a pregnancy finally stuck. I was expecting a second little girl in the summer of 2012, and everyone around me said everything looked great.
Well, almost everyone. At my 18-week fetal scan, a technician thought she saw something – she wasn’t sure what, exactly — so they sent me for a Level 2 ultrasound at a local teaching hospital. “Level 2” meant that it would be more detailed than the standard sonogram, and a maternal fetal medicine (MFM) specialist would look at it. When I went for that test, the MFM specialist said the baby was healthy. I was worried, but when I expressed my concern to the hospital’s genetic counselor, she said, “His job is on the line. He must be completely confident.”
That whole pregnancy was hard for me. I was sick for much longer than most people are. I had sleep apnea. When I was pregnant with my first daughter, she would kick responsively, and then she would take naps. It seemed logical. This baby never stopped moving, but she never did anything responsive, either. The movements were so random. I remember telling a friend, “This baby is already different than my first.” I don’t know if it was that, or my history of miscarriages, or having that seed planted that something might be wrong, but I was uneasy.
Because of that worry, at 35 weeks, my midwife sent me for a “peace of mind” ultrasound. I was eight months pregnant — huge! — and I went to the hospital thinking I was being silly. The rational side of me knew everything was fine. I figured they would tell me all was good, put my mind at ease, give me a picture and send me home.
I went to the appointment alone, on a Wednesday in May. I was so chatty with the technician while I was lying on the table. Towards the end, I said to her, “It’s funny, I keep picturing the baby I already have, but I know this one will be different.” And she looked right at me, with these serious eyes, and said, “This baby will be different. They are all different.”
While I waited for the doctor, I worked on the sweater I was knitting for my little girl. When two doctors came in, one of them asked me about it. Was I making it for the baby? I told her I was, and, with tears in her eyes, she said, “It’s beautiful.”
Then she continued. “The things they couldn’t find the last time you were here, we are seeing those things today. Your baby has brain malformation.” Right away, she said, “We might be able to arrange an abortion, we just don’t know. We can arrange an adoption if that’s what you want.”
I’m grateful that she led with that. It told me it was safe to talk to her about options, and it told me that something was very wrong. That was the only thing she said that got through to me. Everything else came up against that denial wall. Of course, she told me about keeping the baby, too.
I know she said the words “Dandy-Walker,” which I know now is a brain syndrome that has varying degrees of severity. I remember asking, “Are babies with this ever normal?” and she said that sometimes they were. She told me they couldn’t know the severity of the situation until after I had an MRI. That’s how they would determine if my baby would be OK or if she would be “incompatible with life.” Those are the words they used. Incompatible with life.
I was in total shock. I wasn’t even crying. I picked up the phone to call my husband, and all at once, I completely fell apart. By the time he got to the phone, I was unintelligible. “Where are you?” he said. I named the hospital and he said, “I’m on my way.”
We couldn’t get the MRI for two days. My parents took my daughter so that my husband and I could be miserable alone. Waiting was awful. I imagined every possibility: What would it be like to have the miracle baby who was OK and exceeded all expectations? What if she died at birth? What if she lived only a couple of years? What does it mean to get a DNR (a do-not-resuscitate order), for an infant? Hospitals are legally protected from trying to save a baby and not legally protected from letting a baby die. That was something we thought about, too.
We were in crisis, and in crisis, you don’t talk very much. You say what you need to say, and the rest is just thoughts turning around in your head constantly. My husband was wonderful. I would cry until I didn’t have any tears, and he would pick me up and carry me to our room. I knit and knit and knit. I knit in my worry and knit in my fear, and I finished the sweater. I wove in the ends, and then my husband and I got in the car and drove to the MRI.
It was a morning appointment, and at the end of that day we met with the neurologist, who told us that our baby had Dandy-Walker malformation, the most severe presentation of the syndrome. It basically meant there were holes in her brain. She also had agenesis of the corpus callosum, which meant the bridge between the two hemispheres of her brain didn’t grow. So we had two malformations, each of which had a wide range of outcomes, but, combined, had a horrible prognosis. The doctor said, “We expect your baby to have moderate to severe mental retardation; she’s going to have moderate to severe physical disability; she is probably never going to walk or talk; she will possibly never be able to lift her head; she is going to have seizures all of the time.” At first, I was thinking, “This doesn’t make sense, she’s always moving,” and then he mentioned seizures, and I understood.
In that moment, I had to shift my thinking. I was hoping for special ed, and had been focusing on questions like: How much should you save to know your special-needs daughter will be OK after you die? I was thinking about long-term care and mild to moderate disability. Instead, I had to think about a baby who was probably not going to live very long, and the longer she lived, the more pain she would be in. That realization – that I was more scared of her living than of her dying — is what made the choice for me.
When it comes to a decision like this, there is no good option. What you want is a happy, healthy baby. The doctor asked if we had any questions, and I said, “What does a baby like this do? Does she just sleep all day?” The doctor looked so uncomfortable. He said, “Babies like this one are not generally comfortable enough to sleep.” That’s when we thanked him and left.
On the way home, even though I knew what I wanted to do, I couldn’t say the word. What kind of mother is eight months pregnant and wants an abortion? I turned to my husband and said, “Tell me what you think we should do.” He said, “Kate, you do not have to do this, but I think we should ask about the abortion.”
It was a gift. It felt like light and fresh air. I had been feeling so dark and so trapped, and when I realized we were together on this, I felt free. I knew what to do. It didn’t matter anymore that people were going to call me a murderer, or that I’d never heard of anyone doing this. It didn’t matter that we didn’t even know if it was legal. If I had my husband, I could do this.
I called my doctor as soon as I got home. While we were waiting for her to call back, I didn’t know if we had a safe and legal option. I remember thinking, “If we can’t get the abortion, I’m going to run away somewhere rural and I’m going to have this baby by myself and let her die without intervention.” That would have been so dangerous, and I could be dead right now. She was a high-risk birth, not a regular healthy birth. Her head could have swollen with fluid at any time. Even if it went smoothly, and I had my baby and she had died in a few hours, I could have been put under investigation. The risks that I was willing to take to let this baby go in peace, in the way I believed she deserved — it’s terrifying. But I was desperate, and I was so untrusting. I was scared the police would get called on me for just having these thoughts.
My doctor called back at 6:30 that night. It was a Friday, and my husband and I were out for a walk when the phone rang. Immediately, the doctor said, “I am so sorry, but if you want the abortion you need to call before 7 pm, which is the end of the workweek Mountain Time, because the clinic closes for the week in a half an hour. And you have to be on a plane to Colorado on Monday.” We were in Boston, where there are a million medical schools and hospitals, but the only doctor in the country who would perform this late an abortion was in Colorado. (Actually, there was one other, but that clinic was closed for the week.) My doctor barely had time to explain everything, she just said I’d have to be in the clinic on Tuesday. It was a four-day procedure, and I had to have it done by Friday, when I would be 36 weeks pregnant. There is no doctor in the country who performs abortions after 36 weeks.
Then she added, “You have to show up with $25,000.” We didn’t have $25,000 sitting around. We are a middle-class family. We don’t have that kind of credit, either. But it didn’t matter. I would figure it out.
So I called the Boulder Abortion Clinic in Colorado. We scheduled everything we needed to, but then I had to get money. I called my parents. I told my mom everything, and when I told her I wanted to get the abortion, she said, “That is what I would do, too.”
It was such a relief to hear those words. It’s one thing to get an abortion, it’s another thing to get an abortion at eight months. I felt like such an outcast. It’s so heavily tabooed that I was afraid to even tell my mother. But once I knew I had her support, I blurted out, “I need money.” My parents took it out of their retirement fund, which is probably what we would have done if we’d had more time. But you can’t do much with no business days.
On Monday, we flew to Colorado. I made up a story that I was six months pregnant with twins, in case someone tried to stop me from getting on the plane. I was so afraid that I was going to be found out, that someone was going to get in the way of me getting to the clinic.
The whole first day was counseling and testing to make sure it was safe to do the procedure. They want to make sure you completely understand what is going to happen and that no one is pressuring you into the decision. At the end of the day, I signed all the paperwork, and the doctor injected the baby with a drug that, over a few hours, slowed her heart to still. It was a very, very difficult day. Euthanizing the baby is, obviously, a very hard thing to do. After the injection, he asked how I was feeling, and I just said, “I feel so sad. I’m going to miss her.”
My husband and I went back to the hotel and I lay down until she stopped moving. I could tell when she was gone. It feels very different. The second and third days were short appointments, so we took a nice drive through the Rockies to pass the time. Then on the fourth day, they induced my labor. I got Pitocin, and it was actually a very natural birth. It was quite healing for me. I couldn’t do anything for this baby — I couldn’t fix her brain or make her well, but I could deliver her from my body. I chose to view her, so they cleaned her up and brought her in and she looked a lot like my older daughter. She was beautiful and she was whole. I got her footprints and had her cremated and they sent us her ashes in the mail a few days later. We wanted to name her after a flower, so we called her Rose.
Ten days after we had that 35-week ultrasound, she was gone.
Late in my pregnancy, my older daughter would say, “Mama do you have a baby in your belly?” and I would say, “Yes honey! Want to give her a kiss?” After I got home, I knew she would ask, so I waited for that moment. When it came, my daughter put her hand on my stomach and said it: “Mama, do you have a baby in your belly?” And I said, “No, honey. Baby died. Baby’s all gone.”
She cried, but probably because I had spoiled the game. My daughter asked me every day for two weeks. Now, every six months or so, we talk about it again — her understanding of it evolves as she grows. At this point, she knows the baby died because she was sick in a way the doctors couldn’t fix, because she had holes in her brain, and you need your whole brain to be healthy.
My 30th birthday party was scheduled for the Sunday after we got home — two days after I gave birth to Rose. It was only for close family and friends, so I decided not to cancel. I told people that the baby died and that we induced a stillbirth. I didn’t tell them I went to Colorado. I didn’t tell them the baby died because we gave her an injection. But eventually, I told my best friend, and she was wonderful. And that helped me tell other people and speak publicly. My husband is a private person, and he would rather I didn’t tell anyone, but I have healed a lot from sharing and receiving support.
I’ve gone on to have another healthy little girl, who is 16 months. The MFM specialist I saw for my third pregnancy said that if it had been him, he would have caught Rose’s condition sooner. I have explored the possibility of a medical malpractice suit, but in the end I decided against it. I decided that I can live in a world where people make honest mistakes.
My third pregnancy was hard, emotionally, but today I have a 5-year-old and a 1-year-old. I don’t know about the future — I refuse to make a decision right now. I’m still healing. But I have two living children, and I had another baby, whom I still love every day.
Kate, already mom to one daughter, terminated her second pregnancy at 36 weeks. She named the daughter she lost Rose.
When Kate, a 29-year-old mom outside Boston, found out she was pregnant with a second daughter, she was elated. Then, at 36 weeks along, she got the news that is every expecting parent’s worst nightmare: Her baby, who she would later name Rose, had two brain malformations. Kate decided to have abortion, and eventually found solace in a support group on the website Ending a Wanted Pregnancy. The online community is for parents who terminate pregnancies for medical reasons (pregnancies they wanted, but chose to end after a severe prenatal diagnosis or maternal health issue) and who often feel alone or ashamed, and suffer in silence. Kate, one of the site’s administrators, shared her story with Yahoo Parenting’s Rachel Bertsche.
My husband and I always wanted a big family. We wanted to have a lot of kids and to start young and have them close together. In 2010, we had our first. A healthy baby girl. But when we were ready for number two, getting pregnant — or, rather, staying pregnant — was harder. I had three miscarriages before a pregnancy finally stuck. I was expecting a second little girl in the summer of 2012, and everyone around me said everything looked great.
Well, almost everyone. At my 18-week fetal scan, a technician thought she saw something – she wasn’t sure what, exactly — so they sent me for a Level 2 ultrasound at a local teaching hospital. “Level 2” meant that it would be more detailed than the standard sonogram, and a maternal fetal medicine (MFM) specialist would look at it. When I went for that test, the MFM specialist said the baby was healthy. I was worried, but when I expressed my concern to the hospital’s genetic counselor, she said, “His job is on the line. He must be completely confident.”
That whole pregnancy was hard for me. I was sick for much longer than most people are. I had sleep apnea. When I was pregnant with my first daughter, she would kick responsively, and then she would take naps. It seemed logical. This baby never stopped moving, but she never did anything responsive, either. The movements were so random. I remember telling a friend, “This baby is already different than my first.” I don’t know if it was that, or my history of miscarriages, or having that seed planted that something might be wrong, but I was uneasy.
Because of that worry, at 35 weeks, my midwife sent me for a “peace of mind” ultrasound. I was eight months pregnant — huge! — and I went to the hospital thinking I was being silly. The rational side of me knew everything was fine. I figured they would tell me all was good, put my mind at ease, give me a picture and send me home.
I went to the appointment alone, on a Wednesday in May. I was so chatty with the technician while I was lying on the table. Towards the end, I said to her, “It’s funny, I keep picturing the baby I already have, but I know this one will be different.” And she looked right at me, with these serious eyes, and said, “This baby will be different. They are all different.”
While I waited for the doctor, I worked on the sweater I was knitting for my little girl. When two doctors came in, one of them asked me about it. Was I making it for the baby? I told her I was, and, with tears in her eyes, she said, “It’s beautiful.”
Then she continued. “The things they couldn’t find the last time you were here, we are seeing those things today. Your baby has brain malformation.” Right away, she said, “We might be able to arrange an abortion, we just don’t know. We can arrange an adoption if that’s what you want.”
I’m grateful that she led with that. It told me it was safe to talk to her about options, and it told me that something was very wrong. That was the only thing she said that got through to me. Everything else came up against that denial wall. Of course, she told me about keeping the baby, too.
I know she said the words “Dandy-Walker,” which I know now is a brain syndrome that has varying degrees of severity. I remember asking, “Are babies with this ever normal?” and she said that sometimes they were. She told me they couldn’t know the severity of the situation until after I had an MRI. That’s how they would determine if my baby would be OK or if she would be “incompatible with life.” Those are the words they used. Incompatible with life.
I was in total shock. I wasn’t even crying. I picked up the phone to call my husband, and all at once, I completely fell apart. By the time he got to the phone, I was unintelligible. “Where are you?” he said. I named the hospital and he said, “I’m on my way.”
We couldn’t get the MRI for two days. My parents took my daughter so that my husband and I could be miserable alone. Waiting was awful. I imagined every possibility: What would it be like to have the miracle baby who was OK and exceeded all expectations? What if she died at birth? What if she lived only a couple of years? What does it mean to get a DNR (a do-not-resuscitate order), for an infant? Hospitals are legally protected from trying to save a baby and not legally protected from letting a baby die. That was something we thought about, too.
We were in crisis, and in crisis, you don’t talk very much. You say what you need to say, and the rest is just thoughts turning around in your head constantly. My husband was wonderful. I would cry until I didn’t have any tears, and he would pick me up and carry me to our room. I knit and knit and knit. I knit in my worry and knit in my fear, and I finished the sweater. I wove in the ends, and then my husband and I got in the car and drove to the MRI.
It was a morning appointment, and at the end of that day we met with the neurologist, who told us that our baby had Dandy-Walker malformation, the most severe presentation of the syndrome. It basically meant there were holes in her brain. She also had agenesis of the corpus callosum, which meant the bridge between the two hemispheres of her brain didn’t grow. So we had two malformations, each of which had a wide range of outcomes, but, combined, had a horrible prognosis. The doctor said, “We expect your baby to have moderate to severe mental retardation; she’s going to have moderate to severe physical disability; she is probably never going to walk or talk; she will possibly never be able to lift her head; she is going to have seizures all of the time.” At first, I was thinking, “This doesn’t make sense, she’s always moving,” and then he mentioned seizures, and I understood.
In that moment, I had to shift my thinking. I was hoping for special ed, and had been focusing on questions like: How much should you save to know your special-needs daughter will be OK after you die? I was thinking about long-term care and mild to moderate disability. Instead, I had to think about a baby who was probably not going to live very long, and the longer she lived, the more pain she would be in. That realization – that I was more scared of her living than of her dying — is what made the choice for me.
When it comes to a decision like this, there is no good option. What you want is a happy, healthy baby. The doctor asked if we had any questions, and I said, “What does a baby like this do? Does she just sleep all day?” The doctor looked so uncomfortable. He said, “Babies like this one are not generally comfortable enough to sleep.” That’s when we thanked him and left.
On the way home, even though I knew what I wanted to do, I couldn’t say the word. What kind of mother is eight months pregnant and wants an abortion? I turned to my husband and said, “Tell me what you think we should do.” He said, “Kate, you do not have to do this, but I think we should ask about the abortion.”
It was a gift. It felt like light and fresh air. I had been feeling so dark and so trapped, and when I realized we were together on this, I felt free. I knew what to do. It didn’t matter anymore that people were going to call me a murderer, or that I’d never heard of anyone doing this. It didn’t matter that we didn’t even know if it was legal. If I had my husband, I could do this.
I called my doctor as soon as I got home. While we were waiting for her to call back, I didn’t know if we had a safe and legal option. I remember thinking, “If we can’t get the abortion, I’m going to run away somewhere rural and I’m going to have this baby by myself and let her die without intervention.” That would have been so dangerous, and I could be dead right now. She was a high-risk birth, not a regular healthy birth. Her head could have swollen with fluid at any time. Even if it went smoothly, and I had my baby and she had died in a few hours, I could have been put under investigation. The risks that I was willing to take to let this baby go in peace, in the way I believed she deserved — it’s terrifying. But I was desperate, and I was so untrusting. I was scared the police would get called on me for just having these thoughts.
My doctor called back at 6:30 that night. It was a Friday, and my husband and I were out for a walk when the phone rang. Immediately, the doctor said, “I am so sorry, but if you want the abortion you need to call before 7 pm, which is the end of the workweek Mountain Time, because the clinic closes for the week in a half an hour. And you have to be on a plane to Colorado on Monday.” We were in Boston, where there are a million medical schools and hospitals, but the only doctor in the country who would perform this late an abortion was in Colorado. (Actually, there was one other, but that clinic was closed for the week.) My doctor barely had time to explain everything, she just said I’d have to be in the clinic on Tuesday. It was a four-day procedure, and I had to have it done by Friday, when I would be 36 weeks pregnant. There is no doctor in the country who performs abortions after 36 weeks.
Then she added, “You have to show up with $25,000.” We didn’t have $25,000 sitting around. We are a middle-class family. We don’t have that kind of credit, either. But it didn’t matter. I would figure it out.
So I called the Boulder Abortion Clinic in Colorado. We scheduled everything we needed to, but then I had to get money. I called my parents. I told my mom everything, and when I told her I wanted to get the abortion, she said, “That is what I would do, too.”
It was such a relief to hear those words. It’s one thing to get an abortion, it’s another thing to get an abortion at eight months. I felt like such an outcast. It’s so heavily tabooed that I was afraid to even tell my mother. But once I knew I had her support, I blurted out, “I need money.” My parents took it out of their retirement fund, which is probably what we would have done if we’d had more time. But you can’t do much with no business days.
On Monday, we flew to Colorado. I made up a story that I was six months pregnant with twins, in case someone tried to stop me from getting on the plane. I was so afraid that I was going to be found out, that someone was going to get in the way of me getting to the clinic.
The whole first day was counseling and testing to make sure it was safe to do the procedure. They want to make sure you completely understand what is going to happen and that no one is pressuring you into the decision. At the end of the day, I signed all the paperwork, and the doctor injected the baby with a drug that, over a few hours, slowed her heart to still. It was a very, very difficult day. Euthanizing the baby is, obviously, a very hard thing to do. After the injection, he asked how I was feeling, and I just said, “I feel so sad. I’m going to miss her.”
My husband and I went back to the hotel and I lay down until she stopped moving. I could tell when she was gone. It feels very different. The second and third days were short appointments, so we took a nice drive through the Rockies to pass the time. Then on the fourth day, they induced my labor. I got Pitocin, and it was actually a very natural birth. It was quite healing for me. I couldn’t do anything for this baby — I couldn’t fix her brain or make her well, but I could deliver her from my body. I chose to view her, so they cleaned her up and brought her in and she looked a lot like my older daughter. She was beautiful and she was whole. I got her footprints and had her cremated and they sent us her ashes in the mail a few days later. We wanted to name her after a flower, so we called her Rose.
Ten days after we had that 35-week ultrasound, she was gone.
Late in my pregnancy, my older daughter would say, “Mama do you have a baby in your belly?” and I would say, “Yes honey! Want to give her a kiss?” After I got home, I knew she would ask, so I waited for that moment. When it came, my daughter put her hand on my stomach and said it: “Mama, do you have a baby in your belly?” And I said, “No, honey. Baby died. Baby’s all gone.”
She cried, but probably because I had spoiled the game. My daughter asked me every day for two weeks. Now, every six months or so, we talk about it again — her understanding of it evolves as she grows. At this point, she knows the baby died because she was sick in a way the doctors couldn’t fix, because she had holes in her brain, and you need your whole brain to be healthy.
My 30th birthday party was scheduled for the Sunday after we got home — two days after I gave birth to Rose. It was only for close family and friends, so I decided not to cancel. I told people that the baby died and that we induced a stillbirth. I didn’t tell them I went to Colorado. I didn’t tell them the baby died because we gave her an injection. But eventually, I told my best friend, and she was wonderful. And that helped me tell other people and speak publicly. My husband is a private person, and he would rather I didn’t tell anyone, but I have healed a lot from sharing and receiving support.
I’ve gone on to have another healthy little girl, who is 16 months. The MFM specialist I saw for my third pregnancy said that if it had been him, he would have caught Rose’s condition sooner. I have explored the possibility of a medical malpractice suit, but in the end I decided against it. I decided that I can live in a world where people make honest mistakes.
My third pregnancy was hard, emotionally, but today I have a 5-year-old and a 1-year-old. I don’t know about the future — I refuse to make a decision right now. I’m still healing. But I have two living children, and I had another baby, whom I still love every day.
Freddie Gray, 25, who died a week ago after his neck was broken while in Baltimore police custody, had been in an out of prison since 2008. He was arrested previously at least 18 times for selling heroin and marijuana in the streets. However, his latest arrest for possession of the switch-blade knife resulted in his broken neck while in police custody. This caused the same effect as assassination of the Reverend Martin Luther King Jr. in 1968.
